Untitled
by Lee St. Clair
April 24, 2020
New lows are at an all time high as I peel myself out of bed this AM. Holy moly. I’ve tried my best to not turn this into a political rant space but on this Friday morning I simply cannot hold my tongue. Last night our President, commander in chief, in all of his orange glory suggested that maybe we should try injecting disinfectant to rid ourselves of this dreaded virus. Honestly, I’m not shocked by his statement. What is shocking to me? The number of the experts on TV this morning talking, telling, warning and advising us not to inject Lysol into our veins. Are we that feableminded? Apparently they think we are. This current administration is a shit show on its best day and where is Joe Biden during all of this? Now is the time Uncle Joe, come out of hiding and get on this. Right now, you have the perfect opportunity to lay out “your plan” on how you intend to handle things when you come into office. Stop hiding and start acting like a president because we need one right now. Joe! JOE! JoOOe! Joe? Where are you Joe? Crickets, churp, churp, churp. As I was looking around for Joe just now I had a notion. I’m thinking that if disinfectant kills the virus then I bet gasoline will kill it too. Hear me out. With everything being shut down we have a surplus of gas, right? So maybe, just maybe if we all drink a gallon of gasoline we can simultaneously kill the virus and spark the economy with a rush at the pumps. If you can’t stand the taste of gas I’m sure we can figure out a way to give you a diesel fuel enema. I bet that would clean the virus out of you. Of course you’ll be dead, but virus free no doubt.
(Disclaimer: I’m not a doctor and I don’t play one on TV. Drinking Gasoline or putting Diesel fuel up your butt will make you feel terrible at best and probably kill you. This is nothing more than a tongue and cheek poke at our current situation, the current administration and the circus that it has become. Don’t drink Gasoline)
My mind works in such a weird way. Whilst I was pecking out my disclaimer I remembered my favorite Melvins album. It was originally called Lysol but the Reckitt Benckiser Co. (the company who owns Lysol) sent a undercover staff member, posing as an interviewer from a magazine to find out about this record. Which is ridiculous. They didn’t want their name on it. So, technically it was never called Lysol even though everybody calls it Lysol. I dropped a link to the album if you wanna check it out. It’s heavy and slow, just what I need this morning as the coffee reaches my brain and I start to plan out the rest of my day. I always loved this record. I had it on CD and it was only one track so you couldn’t skip through it. Not that I ever really wanted to.
They do one of my favorite Flipper tunes (Sacrifice) and two Alice Cooper songs as well as three of their own. The whole record only lasts 32 minutes and 21 seconds. The first 12 minutes is nothing but droning feedback but don’t let that discourage you from listening. The last 20 minutes are unparalleled stoner sludge goodness. It was recorded in less than a week in 1992 on a shoestring budget. The cover art is based on a painting of a 1908 sculpture by Cyrus Edwin Dallin and it’s beautiful. So instead of injecting Lysol into your veins… I suggest injecting the record formally known as Lysol into your ears and sanitizing your senses with its wonderful weirdness. Joe?… Joe…? Where are you Joe?
Click this link to hear Lysol! https://youtu.be/7-q1Vpn-bhw