What Matters More by Rebecca Kurt

What Matters More
Rebecca Kurt

The list of things that matter more than my sexuality is long.
If you get me to squeak out that I’m lesbian/bi/pan…
You don’t know the truth.
I received a lump of identities that I don’t understand…
Anymore than I understand Japanese or German.

Let me tell you who I really am:
I am a lover of sunlight,
When our affair is destroyed by rain
I cry bitter tears.

I identify as a hiker,
Someone who walks
Well-worn trails of scented pine.

The world turns me on,
What are women and men
To the Andes or the Uruguayan shore?

I devour books with my eyes,
Running my hands over rough pages with longing,
They make me gasp with pleasure.

I tremble when I write,
A well-done climax is an orgasm,
One that outlast time.

I lust after pastries and drool over spice,
I prepare each meal differently every time,
Every bite an adventure.

My heart quickens for running,
My pulse jumps to lift and squat,
I feel powerful and high from the effort.

What have you to say of this polyamory?
This intense desire for life?
Let me tell you one more thing:

I am in love with a woman,
The only person I’ve ever loved.
I told her once that she is my orientation…

She said that wasn’t true,
Because I can desire any person.
But what is desire to love?

I desire the mountains and trees,
I long to touch words
She is concrete and she is more than a concept.

This is how I understand,
Not through lists of ideas
But through life itself!

Yes, yes!
What I live
Is who I am.

Rebecca is currently a Junior in the BSW (social work) program. She studied abroad last semester and loves travel and language. Habla español bastante bien, but is not quite comfortable saying she can speak a second language yet. Things that make her heart happy include going to the gym, eating ice cream, petting beautiful dogs, and reading YA novels when she should be doing her homework.

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