Coraddi Magazine

MakeDamnSure
Eve Estes

it’s over

no, really it is

and it’s going to be freeing,

although it doesn’t feel that way yet. i’ll wake up

when the warm breeze hits through the window,

smile and disperse like a cloud around my room, running my hand along every white wall,

breathe and pull myself back together.

i won’t feel small, i’ll feel six feet and more ready than ever,

hands shaking though. and my stomach will hurt but when i’m in the moment i’ll

forget about everything bad i felt and

let myself close my eyes and dance to

the songs i’ve listened to 5 times more than i really needed.

because i like the lyrics and i like the way it makes me feel. and anyway, in the next two months i’ll find another and feel full for 4 minutes. and ill

think about the first crush i’ve had in 2 years and how i can’t face rejection and ruin something that feels so winsome in my head.

and,

i’ll

dream about kissing someone’s soft lips and touching their soft skin and smiling; touching cold calves together

on warm sheets. thankful for some experience i’ve had but never really gotten before.

and i’ll be better for it.

eve is a bi, black, femme writing who focuses on life experiences and the struggles of figuring life out

IG: @peomss