i used to be Vain
Sarah Grace
i used to be Vain
i was able to stare at myself in the mirror
Naked.
even if I saw flaws
insecurities
I would still stare.
now all I see is you.
the marks you left.
the marks you left when you grabbed
at my chest.
like it was yours
like you were trying to pull my breasts from my body.
like you owned them
like you were trying to take them Back.
i used to be Vain
I used to be able to stare at myself
explore myself
in the shower
But now all I can do
is keep my arms locked
defense
like you’re still there
trying to take them from me.
My body isn’t mine anymore
you took that away from me too
whether I like it or not
it’s yours
you stole it.
You took it from me the moment you left
the bruises.
the marks that let you lay claim to my body
like a brand
your hands the white-hot iron
I never understood the statistics about people
drowning in the shower.
but now I do
you sit there
paralyzed
unable to move
to think
to breathe.
When I’m finally able to move
I’m scrubbing.
scrubbing away at your marks
like they were drawn with magic marker
erasable.
I scrub until my skin is
so raw
so red
that you barely notice the marks
I scrub until
all you can see is red.
raw.
vulnerability.
But that’s how you like your girls
isn’t it?
vulnerable?
Sarah Grace is a sophomore psychology major who misses being creative after college stole her motivation to do anything artistic. Poetry gave that back to her.